Dr. Komal Ramchandani
PsyD (Psychology)
Consultant, Mental Health Foundation
Let's face it – anger is a part of our everyday life. Sometimes we feel angry when we have to wait in traffic or when someone steps in front of us in the grocery line, or when we do not feel heard. It is a natural response in situations where people feel anxiety, a loss of control or emotional pain. Anger can be defined as a feeling of annoyance, tension or hostility when you perceive that someone is threatening your identity, your valuables, your rights or your beliefs.
"Anger is experienced in our body as well as in our minds," says clinical psychologist, Harry Mills, PhD. As you become angry, the muscles of your body become tense, your blood pressure increases, your heart rate accelerates and you start breathing at a faster rate. Your attention also becomes focused on the perceived cause of your anger. Simultaneously, chemicals activate certain areas of your brain resulting in a sudden burst of energy (for a few minutes) and prepare your body to either run away or fight, also known as the "fight or flight" response. In dangerous situations, anger resulting in this "fight or flight" response can be protective. However, if you feel angry frequently or for prolonged periods of time, your body can start to break down, resulting in fatigue, illness and depression. Additionally, it can affect your physical appearance. For example, you can damage your teeth from frequent grinding.
When an individual's anger is extreme or chronic, it can also be psychologically destructive and can lead to feelings of bitterness, behavioural problems and blaming others rather than taking responsibility. Although destructive anger can make you feel powerful for a few minutes, it can permanently destroy relationships with loved ones, can cause physical harm, weaken you and even become an addiction.
In order to cope with intense feelings of anger, many people feel that the easiest way to feel better is by "getting the anger out" such as by physical fighting, venting to others, hitting a pillow and writing angry feelings. However, contrary to popular belief, engaging in these behaviours could actually escalate anger rather than defuse it, according to Dr. Lisa Najavits, a Professor of Psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine. When an individual experiences intense anger, he or she may benefit from participating in a soothing activity that helps regain control and is unrelated to the source of anger; for example, cleaning your room, playing sports, deep breathing exercises or prayer, watching television, or making a list of groceries.
Dr. Najavits reported that anger is typically a "shield" for other vulnerable emotions such as sadness, disappointment, feelings of failure and imperfection. So when you feel angry, it can be helpful to reflect on whether you may be avoiding one of these more vulnerable emotions. For example, you may find it easier to be angry at your co-worker for getting a raise rather than allowing yourself to feel sad and disappointed that you did not receive one too. Sometimes it can be difficult for individuals to recognize these vulnerable emotions and manage their anger on their own. In those cases, it may be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, a family member or a mental health counsellor if you feel your anger is interfering with your daily work, social or educational functioning.
Anger is a natural response to situations and therefore, it is important to be aware of your anger, take responsibility for it and achieve sufficient control over it so that you can communicate well with others and abstain from dangerous behaviours. Otherwise, anger can become destructive and have long-term negative consequences on both your mind and body.
